Before my daughter was born in 2021, my partner and I considered ourselves strictly cat people. Alma was born into a home with three cats, a tabby named Mugs and two younger tuxedos, Rosie and Nancy—each adopted about a year apart. All three of them slept in bed with us and we brought them with us when we spent the summers at the beach on the Jersey Shore.

In short, our cats were the center of our universe; we loved them (we still do) as much as any human member of our family.

But my relationship with my beloved pets changed after my daughter was born, and it took years for it to feel as though I could be both a loving, attentive pet owner and mom. Especially because for the first few years of her life, it seemed as though my daughter and my cats would be adversaries for life.

How My Relationship With My Pets Changed After My Daughter Was Born

The moment we brought Alma home, the atmosphere in the house shifted. The cats, who were used to us lavishing all of our attention and focus on them, suddenly had to compete with this loud, fleshy creature with whom we seemed totally preoccupied.

The three of them would take turns standing on the backs of chairs or on the edge of the changing table to peer over the edge of the bassinet, their necks craned forward as though curious about the species of creature we brought home.

What happened to endless cuddles, treats between meals, and settling comfortably into our laps while we watched movies at night? Now our laps were constantly occupied. Our cats seemed genuinely aggravated with us, even betrayed that we had brought this new creature into what is their home, too.

The cats avoided our company, keeping to themselves under furniture or lounging in the upstairs attic where the baby couldn’t find them. They swatted and hissed at each other more often than they ever had before she was born.

It only got worse when our daughter learned to crawl. The two tuxedo cats skittered uneasily away from her, afraid of what kind of chaos this toddling creature would bring into their lives. Meanwhile our tabby, Mugs, the first cat we adopted, decided to lay claim to her territory.

Our Toddler Proved Too Aggressive for Our Cats

As Alma entered her toddler years, she became increasingly curious about Mugs, the only cat of three who would approach her. We tried to guide her as much as possible, but have you ever tried telling a toddler to be gentle? Toddlers are all impulse, no self-control or patience, and in need of instant gratification. She tugged on Mugs’ tail, fondled her face, and twisted her ears between her grubby fingers.

We tried to intervene, gently admonishing her for her rough ways, but she wanted Mugs to love her, and she wanted Mugs to love her now. The cat started to retaliate. Alma would follow Mugs into a room while I was in the kitchen washing the dishes for instance, and suddenly, I’d hear a shriek from the other side of the house. When I ran to Alma, she’d have a pink slash on her wrist.

Though I am more than a little embarrassed to admit it, Mugs scratched her several more times on my watch. Her dad and I never considered re-homing any of the cats during this period of aggression; Alma learned boundaries pretty quickly and the scratching stopped.

When Things Started To Change

All the while, as I watched Alma and Mugs interact, I felt a confused mix of emotions: I missed the unconditional, pure love you can only get from a pet you’ve raised, but I was also angry that Mugs has swatted my sweet toddler even though I knew she was just following her animal instincts. I was desperate for everyone to simply get along, but it could never be simple. The animals’ lives had been disrupted, and my toddler was still adjusting to living with animals.

But still, I never interfered in the natural progression of their relationship, except for separating them when I thought Alma might get hurt. I never forced Alma to pet the cats when she wasn’t in the mood or to play with them when they would rather be alone.

I can’t point to one specific moment where I knew that there had been a shift. Alma got older, and while she is still highly energetic and enjoys singing at the top of her lungs, she started to listen when we asked her to be gentle. Most importantly, she began to comprehend that there are rewards if you are patient and kind toward your pets.

Cats affectionately rub up against your legs, head butt your arms when they want to be petted, hop on the couch and curl up next to you while you’re watching your favorite show. Alma took after her parents and turned out to be just as much of a cat person as we are. She cherishes these moments of affection and has altered her behavior—waiting for the cats to come to her, for example, rather than chasing them around the living room—to encourage them.

A Special Bond Was Finally Made

While the two tuxedo cats are still slightly reticent about interacting with Alma, Mugs has become her best friend. When she’s crying, Mugs trots into the living to check on her with a friendly nudge on the arm. During the day while Alma is at school, where does Mugs want to be? Curled up in the rocking chair in Alma’s room. When it’s time to wake up in the morning, Mugs waits for me to open Alma’s bedroom door so she can say good morning, too. And where does she sleep at night? Next to Alma in her bed.

I have watched this transition with joy and relief. Teaching children to treat other people with respect is a given, but teaching my daughter to also respect animals has always been part of my parenting philosophy.

I watched in nearly real time as it dawned on Alma that even their tolerance is worth earning, and it made those nail-bitingly tense weeks where I thought perhaps the cats would never accept her—that maybe she wasn’t going to turn out to be a cat person—worth it.

Would I have done anything differently? Maybe I wouldn’t have left them alone together quite so often. But by letting their relationship progress at its own pace, without forcing or rushing it, they learned to love each other on their own terms. Now Mugs, my first pet, the cat that turned me into the staunch cat person I am today, is her pet, not mine. And honestly, nothing could make me happier.

Read the original article on Parents