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I think it\u2019s safe to assume we\u2019ve all heard of golden retriever boyfriends<\/a> by now. And perhaps you\u2019re also familiar with the GRBF\u2019s dark, moody foil, the black cat boyfriend<\/a>? Well, meet his female counterpart: the black cat girlfriend.<\/p>\n As you might expect, the black cat girlfriend is essentially what she sounds like: \u201cA partner who mirrors the classic personality traits we often associate with black cats, mysterious, independent, and selectively affectionate,\u201d explains relationship coach Amie Leadingham<\/u><\/a>. \u201cA black cat girlfriend is highly selective about where they invest their social energy, values their alone time, tends to be more introverted, and has a slightly aloof yet intimidating quality about them that draws people in.\u201d<\/p>\n But don\u2019t let the seemingly standoffish vibes fool you. There\u2019s much more to the black cat girlfriend archetype than her withdrawn, slightly witchy exterior lets on (and that\u2019s part of her magic). Embedded within the black cat\u2019s cool, seemingly detached personality is the potential for true devotion and vulnerability\u2014with the right person, of course. Once you\u2019ve earned their trust, \u201cthey become fiercely loyal and affectionate,\u201d says Leadingham.<\/p>\n Below, dating experts weigh in on everything you need to know about black cat girlfriends, from what it really means to be one to whether black cat girlfriends and golden retriever boyfriends are actually compatible.<\/p>\n \u201c<\/strong>A black cat girlfriend is the walking embodiment of \u2018I\u2019m good either way\u2019 energy,\u201d says Sabrina Bendory<\/u><\/a>, a relationship coach for Dating.com<\/u><\/a> and author of the forthcoming book Detached: How to Let Go, Heal, and Become Irresistible<\/em><\/u><\/a>. \u201cShe\u2019s independent, confident, and just a little mysterious. Think: \u2018I have my own life, but you\u2019re welcome to orbit it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n The female counterpart of (and in many ways the antithesis to) the golden retriever boyfriend\u2014the endlessly doing partner who lives to adore and be adored\u2014the black cat girlfriend is more reserved, self-sufficient, and, crucially, more selective. While the golden retriever boyfriend may be characterized as \u201cjust happy to be there,\u201d Bendory explains, black cat girlfriends choose<\/em> to be there. \u201cAnd when we do, it\u2019s because we genuinely want you, not because we\u2019re trying to fill a void,\u201d Bendory adds.<\/p>\n A golden retriever boyfriend, by comparison, \u201cis stereotypically social, confident, friendly, warm, outgoing and eager to please,\u201d adds relationship coach and psychotherapist Samantha Burns<\/u><\/a>. \u201cWhereas someone who is a black cat may be a bit more cautious and wary of giving their love and attention freely. With a black cat girlfriend you have to initially \u2018earn it,\u2019 but once you prove yourself, they are loving and affectionate.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to mistake black cat girlfriend energy as cold, avoidant, or even \u201cpick-me\u201d<\/a>\u2013coded, hence why some might interpret the BCGF label as negative. But the thing that makes the black cat girlfriend so compelling is that she\u2019s not <\/em>any of those things. Her confidence and independence come from a place of authenticity, not fear or performance.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s the opposite of performing for male approval; she\u2019s magnetic because she\u2019s good on her own,\u201d Bendory explains. \u201cShe\u2019s not trying to be the \u2018cool girl\u2019 in order to get the guy, she just is who she is\u2014and there is nothing sexier than that.\u201d<\/p>\n And while many may mistake the black cat\u2019s independent, slow-to-warm approach to relationships for fear-based avoidance, Bendory says the true black cat girlfriend \u201cisn\u2019t afraid to be vulnerable, be present, and actually connect\u201d with the right person.<\/p>\n \u201cBeing a black cat girlfriend is actually a sign of emotional maturity and strong boundaries,\u201d adds Leadingham. \u201cThey know their worth, and they\u2019re not going to give their energy away to just anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n Far from the cold, calculating femme fatales black cats are sometimes made out to be, a black cat mentality is actually \u201cone of the most powerful dating mindsets you can have,\u201d says Bendory. \u201cA black cat doesn\u2019t chase, she attracts. If she\u2019s giving you her time, it\u2019s because she wants to, not because she\u2019s trying to prove something.\u201d<\/p>\n Moreover, all the experts I spoke to for this story agree that BCGF energy can actually be an incredibly healthy and rewarding thing to bring to a relationship.<\/p>\n Social media wisdom commonly holds that \u201cevery relationship has a golden retriever boyfriend and a black cat girlfriend.\u201d And while we\u2019re told opposites attract, is golden retriever energy really a match for your typical black cat?<\/p>\n In short, it can be!<\/p>\n \u201cThey can be a great match\u2014as long as both are coming from a healthy place. If the black cat is just dissociating and afraid to be vulnerable, that\u2019s not mysterious\u2014that\u2019s avoidance,\u201d says Bendory. \u201cAnd if the golden retriever is insecure, desperate, and willing to be her loyal servant no matter how she treats him, that\u2019s not devotion\u2014that\u2019s a doormat.\u201d<\/p>\n Basically, black cat on golden retriever compatibility all depends on whether both parties are able to \u201cunderstand and appreciate their differences rather than trying to change each other,\u201d says Leadingham.<\/p>\n If they can do that, then black cats and golden retrievers may even be able to learn from each other and establish a kind of ying-yang harmony in a relationship. \u201cI like to say that golden retriever boyfriends have a secure attachment style<\/a>, which means they are comfortable with closeness and intimacy, they communicate well, they are reliable, and confident in expressing their feelings,\u201c says Burns. \u201cA black cat girlfriend may be a bit more reserved, skeptical, or slower to warm up initially. But once that connection is created they also model this security, confidence, affection, and loyalty towards their partner.\u201d<\/p>\n Ultimately, whether or not a golden retriever is the right partner for you as the prospective black cat girlfriend is up to you to decide. Because, as Burns notes, the most defining feature of the BCGF is that she \u201cis comfortable with her independence and is proactive in getting her needs met. She knows what she wants and doesn\u2019t feel the need to constantly be on or people please.\u201d<\/p>\n You Might Also Like<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\nWhat Is Like to Date a Black Cat Girlfriend? <\/strong><\/h2>\n
Is Being a Black Cat Girlfriend a Bad Thing? <\/strong><\/h2>\n
Are Black Cat Girlfriends and Golden Retriever Boyfriends Compatible?<\/strong><\/h2>\n