If you ever wondered why squirrels are so infuriatingly effective at thwarting every garden solution you can come up with, just remember they have existed for 35 million years.
In comparison, our species, Homo sapiens, is a measly 300,000 years old. Squirrels seem to have spent the extra 34.7 million years of evolution figuring out how to outsmart bird feeder technology before it was even developed.
But it’s not just bird feeders. The eastern gray squirrel (Sciurus carolinensis) is a master of all kinds of problem solving and garden thievery. They can gnaw their way into the minutest opening to gain access to your attic. They know just when your favorite tomato is at the perfect, “I’ll pick that one tomorrow” stage. And if you’ve ever tried to grow an oak from an acorn, you know that you can try to barricade the squirrels from your botanical bounty with everything from razor wire to armed militia, and the furry little thieves will plot a solution.
I’d admire the little guys if I didn’t think it would come across as a sign of weakness. But with fall firmly in place, the squirrels are plotting to reprise their annual assault on the primary signs of the season — bird feeders and pumpkins.
More: How to keep squirrels from digging up garden bulbs and deer from eating your tulips
I’ve never known a gardener who didn’t have a soft spot for the neighborhood birds. We tend to let them do their thing during the summer — there are plenty of worms and bugs and seeds to make them happy through the warmer months. But when the mercury starts to drop, we’re moved to power-wash last winter’s gunk off the feeders and set up things for winter feeding.
Of course, the neighborhood squirrels know the sound of the power washer. They can pick up the opening of the plastic bag of bird seed, seemingly from a distance of 10 or 12 miles. With the sound of either, they immediately start rubbing together those furry little hands and wearing a sinister little grin. Then the annual battle commences.
How to keep squirrels out of a bird feeder
You know the drill. You’ve tried greasing the pole that supports the feeder in the middle of the lawn. No problem for the squirrels. They’ve seen that one before. You’ve tried various counter-weighted feeders only to watch helplessly as the little varmints dangle from the top of the feeder and dine luxuriously on your expensive seed.
A squirrel inside a window bird feeder at Paul Cappiello’s home in Louisville, Kentucky.
Last year I bought one of those suction cup feeders that sticks to the window glass. I attached it to a second story window with no tree branches within 20 feet. Two hours later, there was a big, fat, gray squirrel tail sitting snugly inside the feeder. He had climbed up the brick siding with the aid of the gutter downspout, crossed the façade on the cable and phone wires, jumped onto the screen on the lower part of the window and then threw himself up to the feeder.
Score one for Sciurus carolinensis.
More: Do I need to rake my leaves this fall? Benefits for doing so, not doing it
The only thing I’ve found that truly works is putting out bird seed coated in hot pepper oil. It ain’t cheap but it does work. It doesn’t bother the birds, but the squirrels, that’s a different story. Each year when I finally throw in the towel and relent to spending the money, I put out a couple of feeders with the treated seed. And just like clockwork, a squirrel finds his way up to the feeder in about three minutes. But one small bite leaves him shaking his head like a “Looney Tunes” cartoon character. And that’s about all it takes. Thin wallet but happy birds for the rest of the winter.
Score one for Homo sapiens.
A note of caution: If you use the pepper-treated bird seed, be sure to wear gloves. You have no idea how often you rub your eyes during the course of a typical day. Trust me. And secondly, don’t try to make your own pepper-treated seed. I’ve tried to mix my own seed with a giant bulk-store bottle of cayenne pepper powder. You certainly don’t want to do this in the house, for obvious reasons. But while outside might be better for your house, the slightest breeze can spell disaster for the seed/pepper mixer. Doubly trust me on this one.
How to stop squirrels from eating your pumpkin
There appears to be one particularly bushy-tailed fellow in our neighborhood who must have all the other neighborhood squirrels recruited as scouts. I can’t keep a pumpkin on the front steps for more than a metric minute. The nameless thief sweeps in within seconds of me pulling the sticky price tag off the pumpkin and starts to gnaw at the smooth, shiny surface. It takes him a little while to make that first hole in the shell but once through, it’s all over.
Many of the ornamental gourds have a hard and thick shell and are more difficult for squirrels to eat. But, not difficult enough.
In just a matter of minutes, he’s sitting smugly right in the middle of the pumpkin guts, gorging himself on seeds, slime and shell, our zero-prey-drive Labrador retriever, Zeus, sitting just inches away on the other side of the glass door.
I have had better luck keeping other fall gourd-like things in good shape longer, compared to Mr. Jack-O-Lantern. The big, warty and multi-colored gourds seem to be much better at thwarting the squirrels’ dining efforts. One year, I had excellent luck with a few big ‘Musquee du Provence’ squash, the so-called Cinderella pumpkin. The best result has been with a ‘Blue Hubbard” squash, and if you’ve ever tried to cut one to cook it you’ll know why. Better luck with a splitting axe than a kitchen knife.
So far I’ve not tried spraying my Jack-O-Lantern with hot pepper oil. I figure there’s plenty of bird seed out back to keep the squirrels happy.
More: How does weather affect fall foliage colors? Here’s what to know
Paul Cappiello is the executive director at Yew Dell Botanical Gardens, 6220 Old Lagrange Road, yewdellgardens.org.
This article originally appeared on Louisville Courier Journal: How to keep squirrels out of a bird feeder, from eating pumpkins