Key Points

• Aliza Pressman, PhD, suggests parents adopt qualities of a dog when kids are younger and become more cat-like as their children grow older.

• Younger kids need lots of warmth, attention, and clear guidance so they feel safe and deeply loved. As kids become tweens and teens, giving them more space while staying emotionally available helps them build trust and independence.

• Shifting your parenting style as your child matures can strengthen your relationship and make it easier for them to open up when it matters most.

Think about how you would parent a 3-year-old child. Then, consider how you would parent a 13-year-old. Pretty different, right? Kids change a lot as they mature, as do parents; you’re constantly evolving alongside your children and adjusting the way you teach, guide, protect, and love them.

Maybe you just had your first baby and are thinking ahead to how you want to parent them through toddlerhood and beyond. Maybe your tween is now definitely a teen, and what worked in the past is not quite as effective today. Could your household pets have the answer to your parenting questions?

According to a “cat vs. dog” theory from a parenting expert, you might want to starting taking some advice from the family dog and cat!

What Is Cat vs. Dog Parenting?

The theory was popularized by Aliza Pressman, PhD, a developmental psychologist and host of the popular parenting podcast Raising Good Humans. She explained the theory during a 2024 appearance on the podcast On Purpose with Jay Shetty, saying that parents should look to their pets for inspiration while parenting their kids.

When children are small, aim for a “dog” parenting style, she says.

“You want to be a dog: you’re wagging your tail when you’re excited to see them, you’re always there and you’re really enthusiastic,” Dr. Pressman explains. “And they need that.”

But as they grow older, Dr. Pressman recommends mimicking a cat’s more standoff nature—to a point. “You’re always around; you’re not overly on top of them,” she explains. “But if they’re interested, they can come to you.”

According to Dr. Pressman, this parenting style provides older children (even those in their twenties) with a chance to open up more.

“And when they do, you don’t pounce like a dog, you stay a cat who is welcoming the information,” she shares. “You don’t want your kids to think, ‘You can’t handle my truth.’”

Instead, you’re showing them that you’re not going anywhere, but you’re not constantly in their business either.

How It Compares To Traditional Parenting Styles

While the dog vs. cat parenting approach doesn’t perfectly align with the four parenting models—authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, uninvolved—psychoanalyst and licensed clinical social worker Anat Joseph says it is most closely related to authoritative and permissive styles.

“Dog parenting, with its structure and loyalty, mirrors authoritative parenting where parents are highly engaged and set clear expectations,” Joseph explains. “Cat parenting leans more toward encouraging independence, which overlaps with fostering autonomy in attachment-based or authoritative frameworks.”

As more parents seek to figure out their “style,” the cat vs. dog theory is an easy one to wrap your head around and put into practice. “Most people love animals so talking about parenting in these terms is easily relatable and supports people in implementing effective parenting practices,” says Devon Kuntzman, parenting expert and founder of Transforming Toddlerhood. 

At the end of the day, the two concepts are more similar than they are different. “The main point is to respond to your child in a warm and supportive way, which is a part of both dog and cat parenting,” says Kuntzman. “The difference is how much space we give kids to work through challenges on their own and discover who they are.”

Why This Parenting Approach Can Work

Kuntzman says an active, involved, dog-like approach works well for younger kids, especially those in the first seven years of life. “Young children are highly reliant on their parents and caregivers to meet their physical and emotional needs,” she says. “A young child’s greatest fear is losing our unconditional love and acceptance. The early years are a unique time to help build your child’s sense of self and the foundation of the parent-child relationship.”

Joseph agrees. “Young children need consistent presence, structure, and clear boundaries to feel secure,” she says. “Parents who are attentive and directive help kids develop trust and stability.”

For tweens and teens who may be asserting their independence and pushing parents away, a cat-like style may be the better option, as it shows them that you’re there when they need you, but you’re giving them a little space to grow too. “It still means being warm and supportive, but giving your tween or teen more space to be an individual and come to you on their own terms,” Kuntzman says.

To some parents, giving your teen space might seem like a challenging ask, but moving away from your child as they mature is a natural part of life. “This transition reflects the developmental arc of moving from dependence to independence,” adds Joseph.

Where This Parenting Approach May Fall Short

The cat vs dog parenting style can easily be incorporated into your existing parenting style or inform how you evolve as a parent as your child matures into adulthood.

That said, it’s important to note that the cat parenting style may not be the best approach for all children and situations. For example, if you suspect your child is being bullied, dealing with mental health concerns, or needs extra emotional support, you’ll want to take more of an active role, check in more regularly, and encourage them to open up to you.

The cat parenting style can run the risk of pulling back too much in effort to give your child space, which can lead to feelings of emotional disconnection. “To avoid this, parents need to stay emotionally available even as they allow physical or behavioral independence,” Joseph advises. Start by checking in regularly, showing curiosity about their interests, and affirming them with love and support, she says. “A cat parent still communicates, but they do so with respect for boundaries, allowing the child to come toward them rather than chasing after them,” adds Joseph.

Even if your child cringes and pushes you away, complaining that you’re embarrassing them with the attention, “it’s our job as parents to know our child’s stage of development and help them build skills over time,” says Kuntzman. “It’s also our job to check in with our kids and have conversations—even if they are uncomfortable—to make sure your child has the support they need. Relationships are a two-way street and we need to take ownership of how we build the parent-child relationship as children grow and develop.”

Read the original article on Parents