Are You Accidentally Hurting Your Dog’s Confidence?

When we think about confidence, we often picture humans striking power poses, listening to motivational podcasts, or giving a TED Talk about finding their inner lion—maybe even with a stock photo of someone climbing Everest. But confidence isn’t unique to humans. Dogs have confidence too, and as a dog trainer, I can often tell within seconds which dogs are confident and which ones are insecure or anxious.

What gives it a away? A dog’s behavior and body language reveal a lot about their confidence level. Therefore, being insecure can affect tons of different breeds, from pretty dogs to smart dogs to shaggy dogs and ones of all different sizes. That’s why spotting signs of an insecure dog can be tricky if you don’t know what to look for. Because of that, we’re breaking down the most common ways pet parents accidentally crush a dog’s confidence without knowing they are.

By recognizing these behaviors, you can learn how to boost your dog’s confidence, help rebuild your dog’s self-assurance, and create a happier, more secure pup. Sometimes, well-meaning pet parents do things that shatter a dog’s confidence unintentionally, but with a few mindful adjustments, you can see your pup’s personality shine again. Before you know it, you’ll notice your dog is more confident than ever and can explore, play and recover from setbacks without fear, and think to themselves, “Huh, that was weird,” instead of spiraling into anxiety, because their confidence gives them resilience in everyday life.

7 Ways You Could Be Accidently Shattering Your Dog’s Confidence

A pet owner trying with her dog who feels insecure.

As a loving and caring dog parent, you may sometimes or unintentionally hurt your dog’s confidence because of a basic misunderstanding of how relationships between humans and dogs really work. After all, a dog’s way of communicating and a person’s are different. What many people might not realize is that a dog’s confidence is built on a foundation of predictability, gentle exposure and trust. Therefore, as their caretakers, people ultimately hold the hammer and chisel to either sculpt or shatter that delicate confidence. Here are some common ways we may unintentionally crush our dog’s confidence levels:

1. Exposing Your Dog to High-Intensity Triggers

One reason dogs can lack confidence? They are constantly being flooded. “Flooding” is a behavioral term meant to describe exposure to triggers at a highly intense level. In a nutshell, it’s the common practice of forcing timid dogs to “face their fears,” without being able to escape.

As a trainer, I’ve seen this happen way too often. From the well-meaning owner of a puppy terrified of people who invites ten of his buddies over, to folks who take their fearful dogs to the dog park in hopes of letting them socialize. These dogs aren’t “getting over their fears.” Their brains aren’t thinking, “Maybe today I’ll make a new friend,” but rather, “Where’s the exit? I can’t control what happens to me. And why, have you pet parent, betrayed me right when I needed you the most?”

Flooding therefore doesn’t teach courage; it teaches helplessness as the dog learns that escape is impossible, and that their trusted human isn’t there to help. It chips away at their confidence rather than building it, leaving them more anxious than before. The bottom line is, this type of forced exposure doesn’t teach courage. It teaches helplessness. True confidence is built through gradual, positive encounters. Dogs who are allowed to approach their triggers at their own pace learn, “I can handle this” and are more likely to recover over time.

2. Scolding Your “Guilty Dog”

If I could count how many times dogs have been accused of acting “guilty” for chewing a shoe, raiding the trash, or knocking over a plant, I’d probably need a new calendar just to keep track.

But don’t just take my word for this. A 2007 study found that as many as 74 percent of dog owners really believed that their dogs were capable of feeling guilty, but fortunately we know better nowadays. In fact, Horowitz’s 2009 study strongly suggests that the “guilty look” is simply a response to the owners’ emotions, tone of voice and/or body language than the dogs’ own past behavior.

The truth is, your dog is not feeling guilty when you come home to a mess on the floor. Instead, they are likely feeling terrified. When you scold them after the fact, their confidence evaporates because they don’t understand what they did wrong, can’t predict your reaction, and perceives the situation as unpredictable and unsafe.

3. Showing Your Dog Who’s “Boss”

Sometimes, despite the many years of modern day training, old-school dominance theory still rears its obsolete head. This is where the persistent myth that dogs need to be “put in their place” triggers pet parents to use outdated methods based on intimidation.

Because of this, harsh training methods and the use of aversion-based tools risk chipping away a dog’s confidence. A confident dog doesn’t obey out of fear, rather they cooperate out of trust. To help build your dog’s confidence, let them feel safe and secure. By doing so, they should follow cues because experience tells they that great things happen when they do.

4. Implementing Inconsistent Rules

Dogs thrive when they are given clear and consistent rules. A lack of clarity or inconsistency, can turn their world topsy-turvy. Pet parents may do this often without realizing the impact it has on their dogs. Something as simple as allowing a dog to jump on the couch one day and the next strictly prohibiting it, risks generating confusion, and confusion ultimately breeds anxiety.

So, remember that inconsistency and lack of clarity causes confusion in dogs, when instead, confidence is built when dogs can predict outcomes. It is therefore important to provide clear rules that are followed by all family members.

5. Forcing a Dog to Greet People

As humans, we love projecting our social expectations onto dogs. If we therefore encounter a shy puppy who hesitates to greet a stranger, we are often tempted to push them and say something along the lines of: “Go on! Say hi!”

From the puppy’s point of view, you have ignored their body language and threw them into a situation they didn’t consent to. Over time, this may erode trust not only in strangers, but in you, his supposed “safe base.”

Instead, to help your dog build confidence, forget about forcing friendliness with everyone. The will to meet and greet should come from your dog when he is ready. In the meanwhile, work on creating positive associations with people and give your dog agency.

6. Repeating the Words “No! No! No!”

Imagine trying to learn a new language where the only feedback you get is being told you’re wrong in a stern tone, repeatedly, and with poor timing.

Constant correction without direction produces a dog who’s afraid to experiment and stops offering behaviors altogether. This is because experimentation has historically led to.. you guessed it….yelling.

Confidence in learning comes from success, not scolding. Want a confident learner? Mark and reward what dogs do right and guide them gently.

7. Having a Chaotic Environment

Dogs thrive when they’re in predictable and orderly environments. Loud homes, unpredictable schedules, too much rough play and kids chasing dogs around may wreak havoc on a dog’s ability to cope.

Dogs crave stability. When dogs know what’s coming next such as when meals happen and when walks and rest times occur, they feel safer and more confident in their surroundings. That’s why without structure, a dog’s life may feel like a never-ending carnival ride with flashing lights, sudden noises, and no off switch. Sure, some dogs may adapt, but other dogs may struggle. Predictability and order helps keep a nervous system calm.

4 Ways to Build a Dog’s Confidence

If you’re reading this and recognizing behaviors that may have damaged your dog’s confidence levels, take a breath. You’re just a human, and as humans, we can make mistakes at times. The good news is that dogs are astonishingly resilient, and with our gentle guidance we can rebuild their trust and confidence levels. Here are several tips to help you succeed.

1. Provide consistency in your dog’s life. Create clear, reliable routines.
2. Reward bravery in tiny doses using professional behavior change methods such as desensitization and counterconditioning.
3. Let your dog make choices whether it’s to approach, to sniff or to retreat. Every successful decision reinforces agency, and agency is the seed of confidence.
4. Replace the word “no!” with another cue your dog is familiar with. For example, if your dog grabs your shoe that’s laying on the floor? Teach your dog to “drop it” rather than saying “no”, and when your dog complies, lavishly praise and reward him.

Sources:

Horowitz A. Disambiguating the “guilty look”: Salient prompts to a familiar dog behaviour. Behav. Process. 2009

Pickersgill O, Mills DS, Guo K. Owners’ Beliefs regarding the Emotional Capabilities of Their Dogs and Cats. Animals (Basel). 2023 Feb

Morris, P. H., Doe, C., & Godsell, E. (2007). Secondary emotions in non-primate species? Behavioural reports and subjective claims by animal owners. Cognition and Emotion.

Hiby, Elly & Rooney, Nicola & Bradshaw, J. (2004). Dog training methods: Their use, effectiveness and interaction with behaviour and welfare. Animal Welfare

This story was originally reported by Parade Pets on Nov 2, 2025, where it first appeared in the Dogs section. Add Parade Pets as a Preferred Source by clicking here.